Ciao on Mother's Day

Dear Mom,

I know that you like flowers. Which is why we sent you some. With that, I find a need to apologize. When I finished college and moved into an apartment, you sent me a plant. You made it seem like everyone should have some sort of plant in their living space, to keep the air "fresh". I put this plant, a corn plant by the way, near a window which happened to be directly under the heating and cooling vents. I remembered every month or so to water it, and we somehow managed to co-exist. I even got excited when a new little bud started to sprout from the "trunk".

Over the next three years that plant became a thorn in my side. I would always forget to water it (as I promised I would forget to do upon first opening the pro-flowers box), and in the winter I would always forget to open the blinds during the day.

At year 3, I apologize for having to move it to my new residence in this manner:

(yes, that is the front seat of a coupe, and the open sunroof. whatever, we only moved a mile or so)

Last fall when you came to visit, you tried to take care of that plant. You removed all brown leaves and trimmed brown edges, adjusted it near the window and even washed the leaves. You said it was happier.

One week later, I was given an orchid as a present. I kept the orchid in the kitchen until the flowers fell off and moved it near the corn plant when it went into winter mode. Less then 3 months later (so not normal) the orchid bloomed and flourished. It was only barely getting warm and I had 6 orchid buds ready to bloom. I noticed at this time the corn plant started to brown.

I called and you didn't take me seriously when I said the evil orchid sucked the life out of the corn plant. Google returned no matching searches either.

I even asked if you wanted it to rehab it. You said I should re-pot it (please, like I know how to do that). At this point, the soil in the pot was still wet. I hadn't watered it in 3 weeks, so obviously that was not good.

Now, the orchid looks like this:

And the corn plant looks like this:

So now, my very ungreen thumb and I ask you, how to dispose of a dead corn plant?

Sorry, mom.
-Elle.
 
PS- when puppies are hungry, or sick, they tell you. I can totally take care of a puppy. Plants are not a "test run".