AH MOTHERLAND!

As I slammed my fists into the steering wheel this morning, bit whatever part of nail grew overnight and started to yell at those who don't use blinkers, I could only help but laugh.

This weekend we had friends visiting from The District. One of them, as we drove around Boston doing slightly touristy things, expressed how calm I was driving and how at that point she'd be yelling. ME? CALM? WHEN DRIVING?! Woah. Like really, woah. I had never been described that way, but ohh I reveled in it.

I learned how to drive in NJ, from a couple of New Yorkers. I drove many days to high school with a sheet of ice on the windshield, head sticking out of the window, smashing into whatever rogue plastic trash cans made their way into the middle of the little suburban road I drove for 3 miles... Because I didn't have the patience (or time, lets face it) for my car to defrost. I've also bottomed out more times I can count AND destroyed the horn on my first car.

Did you know that you can do that? Moreso, did you know that the horn mechanism is really just a one-inch long piece of metal surrounded by thick polymer, surrounded by metal, and then more thick polymer, encased in the steering wheel compartment? I snapped mine in half.

I. Am. Amazing.

Don't worry, I'm sure she changed her mind about my driving when, as we drove to the airport and got stuck in traffic in the tunnel, I clammed up and kept asking if they see the light on the other end. WHAT. Ever since the Big Dig catastrophe, traffic in tunnels is a huge fear.

PS- today my McDonald's man nearly tripped his manager as he ran to get the iced tea cup as I walked in.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!

What did I do last weekend?  Well... here goes... complemented with pictures:

Friday:  Work. Home. Sweat in the 100 degree house for 2 hours. Decide to pack. Leave House.  Make it to the mall just before closing (addendum: left house LATE), to pick up dress on hold.

Arrive in NYC at 1AM. Celebrate with cousins for 1 hour, head to NJ. Diner until 3:30 AM  Arrive home and fall asleep at 4:30 AM.

Saturday: 6:30 AM alarm goes off to head to Carlo's in Hoboken!  6:40 AM, alarm goes off again.... 6:50 again.... 7:05 involved in a semi-serious discussion about how stupid it would be to drive to Hoboken... and get made to feel bad about myself because I vetoed the whole "its already 4:30 AM, why not just head to Hoboken now, wait for them to open and then sleep?" idea.  What I did NOT see on Saturday:

Sunday:  Considered setting alarm for 6:30 AM again.... realized next time in NJ might be better.  Fate made up for our massive bakery failure by providing us with:

Look close. You will see a Rabbi, leading a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony... surrounded by the groom and groomsmen wearing kilts.  It was awesome.

So funny!

Don't worry Mary, I'll get you next time....

But then again, the Cake Boss website says they are filming next season in Italy. I could crash their party overseas!

So much to say.. so much to say, CAKE

SO many posts running through my head!  I vow to take the photos off my camera that I would like to post, and actually write things about them.. then maybe even pre-schedule their posting date so you have something to read and I stop feeling bad about myself :)

Do you watch TLC's Cake Boss?  I do.  And you should (although I was told tonight that after mentioning "Say Yes To The Dress" for years, my mother was underwhelmed after her first experience with the show).  But really, Cake Boss is like Ace of Cakes but Jerseyfied... awful accents, overblown Sopranos-like Italian-ness and really yummy looking desserts. 

This show takes place in a bakery in Hoboken, NJ... an area where I might happen to be near this weekend. 

The real question... do I stay or do I go?

I read real live reviews online, not the TV-padded versions.. and apparently the wait to get near the door is outrageous, especially on a weekend when I would be there.  But very few said the desserts weren't worth it.  I'm leaning to yes.

The bakery opens at some scary sounding time, like 7am-ish.  Our plan, legit, is to wake up at 6:30 and go there for when it opens. All to avoid waiting in line. Then go back to sleep.  Crazy?  Yes.

I invited my mother. Who has never, ever seen the show... or even heard of it.

Here's what happened.

"We're thinking of going to a bakery in Hoboken Saturday morning at like 7am, want to come?"

"No."

"Are you sure? Its supposed to be good, its on Cake Boss and everyone seems to lo"

"No."

"But, its a cool place and on T."

"No!"

"But, you like"

"Nope"

"You don't have to drive, just co"

"Absolutely not but thaaaaaaaaaaanks"

"Ok but seriously, its a bakery and their stuff looks incredible, and its not like we're in town that often and"

"Nope"

She WILL get a cannoli.  And she WILL eat it.  And she WILL love it.  Or maybe at a reasonable hour, we will just go to lunch.

What would you do?  Sleep?  Go?  Go and buy a cupcake to throw at Mary, Buddy's sister (who else doesn't want to do this)?  Go and buy pastries that don't make it all the way back home?  Sleep?  Wake up at 6:30, get mad, fall asleep, wake up at 10 and buy cake at Pathmark?  You tell me.

NJ ~ sigh

As I left work last Friday, telling my boss that I was going “home”, I smiled. She didn’t realize that I was NOT from this ridiculous place that I currently “reside”. Apparently, on my way to the Garden State I drive through the town she grew up in (which is also the THORN in my side ironically… she told me what exit on 84 she grew up in.. that happens to be the very one that when I get sick of CT and driving, I look up and I’m always, without fail, at that exit). We had a little conversation about “my part” of NJ and she just said “that area is really beautiful; I kind of wish more people would realize that”. I liked her even more that day.

Words I use to describe NJ: green, rolling, farmland, highway, trees, deer, shore-Pt. Pleasant variety. Words others use which make me feel all stabby (thank you Jen Lancaster, heart): fist pumping, turnpike, factories, smell, shore-Sleazside variety.

 

Anyway I managed to drive all of the way there, without hitting ANY traffic. Of course, the minute I arrived it was busy busy busy, but toooooooooooootally worth it. Visiting my grandparents, the family, the friends (woot Vittoria! Ps- send her good thoughts for waking up early and making it to week 2 ;-), even the sisters were decent. Thank you all.

 

The main event was the 4th of July carnival and fireworks. This is my annual NJ event and one I really will only miss for VERY important family events. I actually have no idea why we go, since Vittoria and I spend the entire time looking out for and then avoiding everyone we went to high school with. It’s quite a wonderful tradition actually…. But also quite seriously a waste of our time :-)

 

Here is my list of things that make NJ awesome… my list of un-awesome things is pretty short (deer, cops, HS people, maybe more I can’t remember):

• Bagels!
• NY Style Delis that make huge matzoh balls and have pickle bars
• Mandee
• ALWAYS being near a highway
• Cheap gas
• Free assistant pumping cheap gas
• DINERS (mmmm disco fries)
• Disco fries.. I just decided they need their own line

 I’ll think of more and make many more posts on the topic. Trust.

 

PS- watch ROYAL PAINS tonight on USA. I have no vested interest; it is just an amazingly awesome show. Enjoy, and you’re welcome. (Best enjoyed with pretzel M&MS ;-)

Dino vs. Moose: I "didn't" see both!

As suggested in my very first post, former potential titles will be explained sometime... here goes.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I um, "live" in New England.  One day (hopefully sooner rather than later) we will happily part ways.. but for now I'm here.  A myth that I have heard is that moose live in New England! Not near me of course, I live near people, not forest, and not near Canada... but once in a while moose somehow manage to find their way toward civilization.  This article (even though this town is not closeby) made me soooo jealous.  But at least this time there were pictures! 

A few months ago there was a moose spotted IN MY TOWN!  Because only the town paper reported on it, I found out of its existence about 4 days after the last sighting (and there were NO pictures, LIES).  But I hope you don't think for one second that I was thinking rationally when I spent the next 3 nights driving around in dark parking lots in every area it was spotted... with my headlights turned off. I heard a rumor that moose like dark.

The lastest spotting reminded me of when I saw a dinosaur in New York, and I wanted to tell you alllll about it.

I'm from a little town in New Jersey, where deer roam free and I have a rational fear of them. Rational, as in 2 months after I got my license AND car, a deer ran into my front left fender. I know what you're thinking.. but I couldn't have hit it, it would have been head on, no? The stupid thing ran into the car, left fur, then ran off into the woods. Since then they've been taunting me by hanging out on my parent's front lawn nearly every time I visit. It doesn't help that my parents are quite the gardners and attract the stupid beasts with pretty tulips.  Sensitive subject, trust me, I'm right. Leave it at that.

So last fall I was making one of my many trips to NJ by car, which means once Connecticut finally ends, I manage my way through NY and into the Garden State.  For some reason this past fall produced very humid nights.  I happened to leave much later than planned on this trip (closer to 8pm than the 5pm I expected), which isn't a big deal.. it just means that I leave in the dark and try not to fall asleep behind the wheel.  I know my rest stops by heart and don't worry too much about driving to NJ in the dark.

As I exited Connecticut, I continued until I reached the exit for I-684 (NY speak for the very bare version of a highway that will take you through Westchester County).  I was only about two miles in when I realized that there just weren't that many cars on the road.  In either direction.  No big deal... not to worry that I had a lot to drink and that the only rest stop on this highway is the subject of many a nightmare.. nope no worries.  Another few miles down I realized that I couldn't see that far ahead and slowed to about 45... then 35... and when I realized I was the only car on the highway and going 20 mph, I knew there was a problem.  The sudden dense fog had set in all around my car and my headlights were illuminating about half a foot in front of my hood.  Did I mention 684 is a plateau? Yep, learned that after the fact.

At least 15 minutes had gone by and I don't even think I drove a mile... ONCE a truck passed, so I zipped behind it as if the theory about driving behind a truck in hurricane rain would work in thick fog.  The truck left me hanging by myself 40 seconds later.  Then the fog lightened up, I drove as fast as possible hoping to make up some time and get as far away from that road as possible, when 3 miles later it got thick again.  I slowed down, turned off the radio and hoped for the best as I drove.  Not even a few minutes later I noticed a shadow up ahead.  (I was hoping it wasn't a disabled truck in the middle of the highway because surely I would have no reaction time.)  Since I was driving 6 miles an hour, this shadow appeared in verrrrrrry slow motion.  Only problem? It was getting larger.  MUCH larger.  Honestly? At first I thought MOOOOSE and reached into my purse for my camera without taking my eye off the road.  But the shadow became much larger than any moose I had ever imagined.  What is bigger than a moose? Giraffe? I couldn't figure out in my head how far away the Bronx Zoo was or why the radio hadn't mentioned an escaped giraffe.  Then it hit me.  DINOSAUR.  Not just any dinosaur.  This was a big honkin' brontosaurus hanging out on NY I-684.  OMGGGGGG.  I slowed down, imagining what the bottom of a brontosaurus foot looks like when I get toward the middle of the shadow, then under it.... and ..... its.... an overpass. (damn fog).

A couple hours later, its almost 3AM, I finally get to my house and there are TWO deer on the front lawn.