As I slammed my fists into the steering wheel this morning, bit whatever part of nail grew overnight and started to yell at those who don't use blinkers, I could only help but laugh.
This weekend we had friends visiting from The District. One of them, as we drove around Boston doing slightly touristy things, expressed how calm I was driving and how at that point she'd be yelling. ME? CALM? WHEN DRIVING?! Woah. Like really, woah. I had never been described that way, but ohh I reveled in it.
I learned how to drive in NJ, from a couple of New Yorkers. I drove many days to high school with a sheet of ice on the windshield, head sticking out of the window, smashing into whatever rogue plastic trash cans made their way into the middle of the little suburban road I drove for 3 miles... Because I didn't have the patience (or time, lets face it) for my car to defrost. I've also bottomed out more times I can count AND destroyed the horn on my first car.
Did you know that you can do that? Moreso, did you know that the horn mechanism is really just a one-inch long piece of metal surrounded by thick polymer, surrounded by metal, and then more thick polymer, encased in the steering wheel compartment? I snapped mine in half.
I. Am. Amazing.
Don't worry, I'm sure she changed her mind about my driving when, as we drove to the airport and got stuck in traffic in the tunnel, I clammed up and kept asking if they see the light on the other end. WHAT. Ever since the Big Dig catastrophe, traffic in tunnels is a huge fear.
PS- today my McDonald's man nearly tripped his manager as he ran to get the iced tea cup as I walked in.
Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hungry Hungry Hippos!
What did I do last weekend? Well... here goes... complemented with pictures:
Friday: Work. Home. Sweat in the 100 degree house for 2 hours. Decide to pack. Leave House. Make it to the mall just before closing (addendum: left house LATE), to pick up dress on hold.
Arrive in NYC at 1AM. Celebrate with cousins for 1 hour, head to NJ. Diner until 3:30 AM Arrive home and fall asleep at 4:30 AM.
Saturday: 6:30 AM alarm goes off to head to Carlo's in Hoboken! 6:40 AM, alarm goes off again.... 6:50 again.... 7:05 involved in a semi-serious discussion about how stupid it would be to drive to Hoboken... and get made to feel bad about myself because I vetoed the whole "its already 4:30 AM, why not just head to Hoboken now, wait for them to open and then sleep?" idea. What I did NOT see on Saturday:
Sunday: Considered setting alarm for 6:30 AM again.... realized next time in NJ might be better. Fate made up for our massive bakery failure by providing us with:
Look close. You will see a Rabbi, leading a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony... surrounded by the groom and groomsmen wearing kilts. It was awesome.
So funny!
Don't worry Mary, I'll get you next time....
But then again, the Cake Boss website says they are filming next season in Italy. I could crash their party overseas!
Friday: Work. Home. Sweat in the 100 degree house for 2 hours. Decide to pack. Leave House. Make it to the mall just before closing (addendum: left house LATE), to pick up dress on hold.
Arrive in NYC at 1AM. Celebrate with cousins for 1 hour, head to NJ. Diner until 3:30 AM Arrive home and fall asleep at 4:30 AM.
Saturday: 6:30 AM alarm goes off to head to Carlo's in Hoboken! 6:40 AM, alarm goes off again.... 6:50 again.... 7:05 involved in a semi-serious discussion about how stupid it would be to drive to Hoboken... and get made to feel bad about myself because I vetoed the whole "its already 4:30 AM, why not just head to Hoboken now, wait for them to open and then sleep?" idea. What I did NOT see on Saturday:
Look close. You will see a Rabbi, leading a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony... surrounded by the groom and groomsmen wearing kilts. It was awesome.
Don't worry Mary, I'll get you next time....
But then again, the Cake Boss website says they are filming next season in Italy. I could crash their party overseas!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Off-Color Thoughts: What went through my mind in the past 24 hours.
-Walking out of Target, there was that amazing snake of red carts that the little cart retriever makes. We exited, red cart snake on the left, my car on other side of cart snake:
"I feel like the oil". (prompt funny looks from others here. When it was explained, and understood by others- "oh thats um... topical"). At least I think I'm funny. Does no one else read the news?
-"I cannot wait to go home and wash my hands, every single person in this building has dirty dirty hands. Its so gross". Co-worker looks at me funny and then realizes what I'm saying. Boil Water Order is set for most of the region I live in, including where I work. Soap and Water is turned off, giant santizing tubs in their place(in the restrooms). Gross.
-On wearing a Holter monitor (I'm fine, really, just let me believe it, you should too): "I feel like I'm wearing a bomb". Without skipping a beat, my aunt replies "Just don't go anywhere near Times Square".
.... Too soon?
"I feel like the oil". (prompt funny looks from others here. When it was explained, and understood by others- "oh thats um... topical"). At least I think I'm funny. Does no one else read the news?
-"I cannot wait to go home and wash my hands, every single person in this building has dirty dirty hands. Its so gross". Co-worker looks at me funny and then realizes what I'm saying. Boil Water Order is set for most of the region I live in, including where I work. Soap and Water is turned off, giant santizing tubs in their place(in the restrooms). Gross.
-On wearing a Holter monitor (I'm fine, really, just let me believe it, you should too): "I feel like I'm wearing a bomb". Without skipping a beat, my aunt replies "Just don't go anywhere near Times Square".
.... Too soon?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Dino vs. Moose: I "didn't" see both!
As suggested in my very first post, former potential titles will be explained sometime... here goes.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I um, "live" in New England. One day (hopefully sooner rather than later) we will happily part ways.. but for now I'm here. A myth that I have heard is that moose live in New England! Not near me of course, I live near people, not forest, and not near Canada... but once in a while moose somehow manage to find their way toward civilization. This article (even though this town is not closeby) made me soooo jealous. But at least this time there were pictures!
A few months ago there was a moose spotted IN MY TOWN! Because only the town paper reported on it, I found out of its existence about 4 days after the last sighting (and there were NO pictures, LIES). But I hope you don't think for one second that I was thinking rationally when I spent the next 3 nights driving around in dark parking lots in every area it was spotted... with my headlights turned off. I heard a rumor that moose like dark.
The lastest spotting reminded me of when I saw a dinosaur in New York, and I wanted to tell you alllll about it.
I'm from a little town in New Jersey, where deer roam free and I have a rational fear of them. Rational, as in 2 months after I got my license AND car, a deer ran into my front left fender. I know what you're thinking.. but I couldn't have hit it, it would have been head on, no? The stupid thing ran into the car, left fur, then ran off into the woods. Since then they've been taunting me by hanging out on my parent's front lawn nearly every time I visit. It doesn't help that my parents are quite the gardners and attract the stupid beasts with pretty tulips. Sensitive subject, trust me, I'm right. Leave it at that.
So last fall I was making one of my many trips to NJ by car, which means once Connecticut finally ends, I manage my way through NY and into the Garden State. For some reason this past fall produced very humid nights. I happened to leave much later than planned on this trip (closer to 8pm than the 5pm I expected), which isn't a big deal.. it just means that I leave in the dark and try not to fall asleep behind the wheel. I know my rest stops by heart and don't worry too much about driving to NJ in the dark.
As I exited Connecticut, I continued until I reached the exit for I-684 (NY speak for the very bare version of a highway that will take you through Westchester County). I was only about two miles in when I realized that there just weren't that many cars on the road. In either direction. No big deal... not to worry that I had a lot to drink and that the only rest stop on this highway is the subject of many a nightmare.. nope no worries. Another few miles down I realized that I couldn't see that far ahead and slowed to about 45... then 35... and when I realized I was the only car on the highway and going 20 mph, I knew there was a problem. The sudden dense fog had set in all around my car and my headlights were illuminating about half a foot in front of my hood. Did I mention 684 is a plateau? Yep, learned that after the fact.
At least 15 minutes had gone by and I don't even think I drove a mile... ONCE a truck passed, so I zipped behind it as if the theory about driving behind a truck in hurricane rain would work in thick fog. The truck left me hanging by myself 40 seconds later. Then the fog lightened up, I drove as fast as possible hoping to make up some time and get as far away from that road as possible, when 3 miles later it got thick again. I slowed down, turned off the radio and hoped for the best as I drove. Not even a few minutes later I noticed a shadow up ahead. (I was hoping it wasn't a disabled truck in the middle of the highway because surely I would have no reaction time.) Since I was driving 6 miles an hour, this shadow appeared in verrrrrrry slow motion. Only problem? It was getting larger. MUCH larger. Honestly? At first I thought MOOOOSE and reached into my purse for my camera without taking my eye off the road. But the shadow became much larger than any moose I had ever imagined. What is bigger than a moose? Giraffe? I couldn't figure out in my head how far away the Bronx Zoo was or why the radio hadn't mentioned an escaped giraffe. Then it hit me. DINOSAUR. Not just any dinosaur. This was a big honkin' brontosaurus hanging out on NY I-684. OMGGGGGG. I slowed down, imagining what the bottom of a brontosaurus foot looks like when I get toward the middle of the shadow, then under it.... and ..... its.... an overpass. (damn fog).
A couple hours later, its almost 3AM, I finally get to my house and there are TWO deer on the front lawn.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I um, "live" in New England. One day (hopefully sooner rather than later) we will happily part ways.. but for now I'm here. A myth that I have heard is that moose live in New England! Not near me of course, I live near people, not forest, and not near Canada... but once in a while moose somehow manage to find their way toward civilization. This article (even though this town is not closeby) made me soooo jealous. But at least this time there were pictures!
A few months ago there was a moose spotted IN MY TOWN! Because only the town paper reported on it, I found out of its existence about 4 days after the last sighting (and there were NO pictures, LIES). But I hope you don't think for one second that I was thinking rationally when I spent the next 3 nights driving around in dark parking lots in every area it was spotted... with my headlights turned off. I heard a rumor that moose like dark.
The lastest spotting reminded me of when I saw a dinosaur in New York, and I wanted to tell you alllll about it.
I'm from a little town in New Jersey, where deer roam free and I have a rational fear of them. Rational, as in 2 months after I got my license AND car, a deer ran into my front left fender. I know what you're thinking.. but I couldn't have hit it, it would have been head on, no? The stupid thing ran into the car, left fur, then ran off into the woods. Since then they've been taunting me by hanging out on my parent's front lawn nearly every time I visit. It doesn't help that my parents are quite the gardners and attract the stupid beasts with pretty tulips. Sensitive subject, trust me, I'm right. Leave it at that.
So last fall I was making one of my many trips to NJ by car, which means once Connecticut finally ends, I manage my way through NY and into the Garden State. For some reason this past fall produced very humid nights. I happened to leave much later than planned on this trip (closer to 8pm than the 5pm I expected), which isn't a big deal.. it just means that I leave in the dark and try not to fall asleep behind the wheel. I know my rest stops by heart and don't worry too much about driving to NJ in the dark.
As I exited Connecticut, I continued until I reached the exit for I-684 (NY speak for the very bare version of a highway that will take you through Westchester County). I was only about two miles in when I realized that there just weren't that many cars on the road. In either direction. No big deal... not to worry that I had a lot to drink and that the only rest stop on this highway is the subject of many a nightmare.. nope no worries. Another few miles down I realized that I couldn't see that far ahead and slowed to about 45... then 35... and when I realized I was the only car on the highway and going 20 mph, I knew there was a problem. The sudden dense fog had set in all around my car and my headlights were illuminating about half a foot in front of my hood. Did I mention 684 is a plateau? Yep, learned that after the fact.
At least 15 minutes had gone by and I don't even think I drove a mile... ONCE a truck passed, so I zipped behind it as if the theory about driving behind a truck in hurricane rain would work in thick fog. The truck left me hanging by myself 40 seconds later. Then the fog lightened up, I drove as fast as possible hoping to make up some time and get as far away from that road as possible, when 3 miles later it got thick again. I slowed down, turned off the radio and hoped for the best as I drove. Not even a few minutes later I noticed a shadow up ahead. (I was hoping it wasn't a disabled truck in the middle of the highway because surely I would have no reaction time.) Since I was driving 6 miles an hour, this shadow appeared in verrrrrrry slow motion. Only problem? It was getting larger. MUCH larger. Honestly? At first I thought MOOOOSE and reached into my purse for my camera without taking my eye off the road. But the shadow became much larger than any moose I had ever imagined. What is bigger than a moose? Giraffe? I couldn't figure out in my head how far away the Bronx Zoo was or why the radio hadn't mentioned an escaped giraffe. Then it hit me. DINOSAUR. Not just any dinosaur. This was a big honkin' brontosaurus hanging out on NY I-684. OMGGGGGG. I slowed down, imagining what the bottom of a brontosaurus foot looks like when I get toward the middle of the shadow, then under it.... and ..... its.... an overpass. (damn fog).
A couple hours later, its almost 3AM, I finally get to my house and there are TWO deer on the front lawn.
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