Make him pay for it all...

"While he was scheming
(running through a red light)
I was beamin in the Beamer just beamin
(Hyundai, and honking)
Can't believe that I caught my man cheatin'
(woahh, red means STOP)
So I found another way to make him pay for it all"
(totes narked him out)

My rush-hour traffic patterns have gotten significantly worse since Labor Day hit and everyone is not only back to work, but there are a ton of school buses out there now.  (sidenote: why do parents walk their kids ONTO the bus and chat with the driver, then stand there waving until the bus driver closes the door in their face?!)

I've figured out a few additional backroads to beat the backed up red lights.  On Friday, I used this method and ended up at an intersection I pass through everyday.. but because of my trickiness, I was in a position to go straight through the light rather than turning right onto it as I have done so many times before.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Or describe it, you paint it if you want.

From above...Four-way intersection.  Four traffic lights (12:00, 3:00, 6:00, 9:00).  On one corner(lets call this 1:00), there is a Dunkin Donuts with only 4 parking spots (aka backup). On another corner(4:00), a shopping plaza that doesn't open until later(aka empty). On the third corner (7:30), there is a gas station with convenience mart.  The last corner (10:30) has a no-name gas station with a full-mechanic's bay (always busy).

The road that I NEED to end up on runs through 12:00 and 6:00.  Usually, I am coming from the road on 3:00.  My trick brings me around and I end up at 6:00 to go straight through toward 12:00. (3:00 really does back up nearly a mile).

Being at 6, there are some making lefts and others going straight. Those at 9 tend to only go left or straight also. I was the first car in line to go straight through 6, waiting for my green. 

Once it turned green, the schoolbus coming from 9 that was stuck at the yellow in the middle of the intersection went.  The guy to my left at 6 began his left turn into 9 when the schoolbus waiting at 9(totally was behind the "stop here at red" line), WENT.  Like really just drove into the intersection, slowed a bit and made a left turn.

I have never heard SO much honking at that hour coming from ...OTHER... people's cars.

The bus was full.  VERY full.  Of elementary school sized kids.  I repeated the bus number and license plate in my head all of the way to work. 

Bypassing real work to be done, I googled the street name the bus turned on to (because I had followed him a block and knew it), found the elementary school it was going to.. and CALLED IT.

"Hi, can you please give me the name and possibly phone number of the bus company your school uses?"

"It is [xyz] and their number is [555-8888]."

"Thanks! I'm about to call them and let them know that I saw a bus full of your students run a red light. Should I also report that to you?"

"[deeping surprised sigh ever] HUH AH, no just hang up and call them right now please, make sure to give the bus number"

Done.  BITCHES.

This irked me all day.  And still is now.  Its one thing to mess around when it can only possibly effect you (not that its ok, of course).. but small children!? 

You are very welcome, unnamed small town in MA.

AH MOTHERLAND!

As I slammed my fists into the steering wheel this morning, bit whatever part of nail grew overnight and started to yell at those who don't use blinkers, I could only help but laugh.

This weekend we had friends visiting from The District. One of them, as we drove around Boston doing slightly touristy things, expressed how calm I was driving and how at that point she'd be yelling. ME? CALM? WHEN DRIVING?! Woah. Like really, woah. I had never been described that way, but ohh I reveled in it.

I learned how to drive in NJ, from a couple of New Yorkers. I drove many days to high school with a sheet of ice on the windshield, head sticking out of the window, smashing into whatever rogue plastic trash cans made their way into the middle of the little suburban road I drove for 3 miles... Because I didn't have the patience (or time, lets face it) for my car to defrost. I've also bottomed out more times I can count AND destroyed the horn on my first car.

Did you know that you can do that? Moreso, did you know that the horn mechanism is really just a one-inch long piece of metal surrounded by thick polymer, surrounded by metal, and then more thick polymer, encased in the steering wheel compartment? I snapped mine in half.

I. Am. Amazing.

Don't worry, I'm sure she changed her mind about my driving when, as we drove to the airport and got stuck in traffic in the tunnel, I clammed up and kept asking if they see the light on the other end. WHAT. Ever since the Big Dig catastrophe, traffic in tunnels is a huge fear.

PS- today my McDonald's man nearly tripped his manager as he ran to get the iced tea cup as I walked in.

"How do you like 'dem apples!" Or: Questions Of The Day

1. Why do people swerve left to go right, and vice versa? Followup- why do some people find it necessary to come to a complete stop before turning right?

2. When I clicked on CNN.com this morning and saw this "latest news" headline, "Remains of 2 people found in trash bags", why did I automatically assume it happened in NJ? Followup- How was I even right?

3. Is MSG in everything that is of an Asian food variety? Followup- What makes me crave CPK's miso salad ALL the time?

4. Why is Jen Lancaster's "My Fair Lazy" not coming out until May? Followup- Who else should I be reading? (I seem to like memoir genre)

5. Is it going to get cold again before summer? Followup- Please say no.

6. Why do our palates change as we get older? Followup- Anyone else think banana peppers makes their veggie sandwich taste like vomit?

7. Who else misses their "old life"? Followup- Why aren't YOU cheering for UConn?

8. Is no one else concerned that there seems to be a major earthquake reported every 4-6 days for the last 1.5 months? Followup- Isn't it amazing that mining is still such a large industry, and that there is still no real way to prevent such accidents that happened yesterday?

9. If someone asks how you are, and without complaining about one thing you update them on how you're doing- why do they feel compelled to offer advice? Followup- Why can't it ever be good, relevant advice?

10. Do you know the muffin man? Followup- I "researched" Passover and decided it is only 7 days this year. Take that boils!