I will talk to myself through you, don't worry

I have taken to calling Facebook the greatest, most amazing, waste of time ever created.... whenever it is brought up, and especially to those who do not partake. Yeah, apparently people like that exist.

Ever notice that people have conversations through comments on status updates?

Have YOU ever?  With someone else?  With yourself/

Oh, having a conversation with yourself through someone else's status update is hilarious, magical and absolutely noteworthy.  It also allows middle sister to facebook chat with you in uppercase (with a million exclamation points) that because she had also commented on that same status message, her blackberry was beeping every time I left a post.  Naturally, it made me leave more. Why ask for it?  I don't have a blackberry, I'm not sure what BBM stands for, and I am devastatingly disconnected from the world whenver not in front of a computer.... I WILL shove my disconnect in your face, should you entice me.

Smallest sister's status message was:  What do you mean the first half of Breaking Dawn won't be out till November 2011.. thats simply not acceptable.

Middle sister: likes this..

Middle sister's friend: wtf?

Middle sister: Yes cuz since they split it in 2 they had to renegotiate all the contracts cuz they were only for 4 movies and had to change it to 5

Smallest sister: lame.

Me: i'm tired.

Me: VOTE ORANGE

Me:. helllloooooooooooo. I need to clean my house so friends can come over and we can eat lobster. that we cooked ourselves. after racing them against each other. b/c thats what people where I "live" do. wooo.

Me:. ps- small sister. do you NOT have a job? how are you on facebook mid day.

Smallest sister: im at work but don't have much to do..

Smallest sister: better question is don't you have a job?..

Me: I DO! and apparently it was go home 4 hours early day! Middle sister, beep!(is that the sound a bb makes?)

And this is what said lobsters looked like.  Once they were cooked, I was too busy getting messy to take most pictures, but they were red and delicious as most lobsters are.

This was the only boy lobster... and he was feisty, and the biggest too. Kept trying to jump off the counter we had him on... he just wanted to win the race against the big red banded one in the front of the picture above.

Oh, hello there: No Sorries

I just realized its been nearly 2 full weeks since my last post.  I also just realized that if I continue to "apologize"(and not really mean it of course) for not posting regularly, its going to get old.  But really, if Vittoria is back and better than ever, I'm going to have to start to get religious about this.  Although not really, but all of the sudden I felt very passionate about that.

Ok LOTS to say.

Here's what I've been up to... in case you care.

1.  Zyrtec is GOOD.  Worst allergy season ever, eh?  I was the cheerleader at cheer camp in high school who was approached by the camp leaders to question me about doing drugs.  I had barely had my growth spurt yet at about 5'2 and was still wearing Limited Too clothes. In HS, and they thought I was on drugs.  Why? Oh, my eyes were bloodshot, swollen and I was pretty loopy.  Right, we were also in the cornfields of Pennsylvania=hello allergens.  I have been pretty shocked for about 2 months as to why I've only coughed once or twice, why I'm able to wear contacts and why I am not attached to a tissue box.  Then my throat and ear tubes became "dysfunctional" (ask my dr. she used that exact term). Apparently THAT is how I'm affected by the worst allergy season ever. Lovely.

2. VITTORIA IS BACK. And I missed her.  Oh, you missed her too? Well I'm one of her "real life friends(jealz?!)", so multiply your missage by a couple and thats me. Yay for seeing her in a week and a half though.

3.  Jen Lancaster's 5th book came out.  I finally started reading it this week.   Start with "Bitter is the new black" and go from there.  You can borrow mine.  Everyone should be reading her work.  I carried "My Fair Lazy" around the office one day and introduced 2 new people to the world that is Jennsylvania.  Honestly? She uses "stabby" as a descriptive feeling.  As in, "she's making me feel all stabby". Heart.

4. Was at that specialty-ish grocery store again.  Picked up 2 crabs.  THIS time (of course, because now I know) fish counter man says "would you like me to 'clean' them for you?"... (after the conversation I just had with bf about if he would do my dirty work again and he was a little bit psyched to do it).  I ran and checked with him and he looked sad, so I asked fish counter man to leave them as is and I will take them home.  We get home and...? crabs are dead. Legit.  I actually called the store to make sure they were still safe to eat.  I'm not one with food.

5.  ITS FRESH FRUIT SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so excited to, it better be soon, have a free weekend day to go strawberry picking.  Its one of the only fruits that I love but have yet to pick my own. (of the varieties, that you know, you actually can at a pyo place)

6.  Any good little Jews out there?  I thought I was going crazy when, last summer, the Black Eyed Peas released "I Got A Feeling" (Is that its name?) and I kept hearing a Hebrew word in the background.  NO, not "Mazel Tov", I'm no moron.. everyone with hearing capacity knows those words are in that song, thanks.  I kept hearing "L'Chaim".  If you don't, listen again.  Its at the chorus part where they say a word loudly and then it sounds like a techno beat is echoing.  They say "MAZEL TOV!" then, in a techno beat "L'Chaim".  I only recently, (its been out how long?) actually Googled the lyrics, and I'm right. Thanks songwriters, you make me smile.

7. I came home from work the other day, sent bf a gchat message saying "are you coming home". 36 minutes later, the following comes through on gchat.  Definitely "Shiz my boyfriend says" (courtesy of LiLu, yes I read your blog ;-) material.  Totally reminds me of "monkey monkey underpants", which is still one of the greatest TV lines, to me at least).
6:20 PM BF: I'm walking
On the street
6:21 PM What are you doing
Are you even there
I'm thirsty
Dooooo doooo
6:22 PM Walking
6:23 PM I spy with my little eye...something blue
Walking
Ooo I smell grilling
I see the smoke now
6:24 PM I'm hungry
A dog!
Crossing the street
I like the shade
Lexus
6:25 PM I stepped in something sticky
The sun is bright
Shade
Bright
Shade
Bright
6:26 PM Shade
I don't appreciate the color of thay house
A dog!
6:27 PM What's the point of plastic swans
A dog!
6:28 PM Police car, act natural
Crossing the street
Crows are talking to each other
I have an itch
This grass is really a lovely green
6:29 PM They must use chemicals
An orange car. Hm.
6:30 PM Baby crying
I see the house
There's your car, so you are home just not listening to me
Stupid flower touched me
6:31 PM Are you going to open the door?
Knocking
Hi

8. If I posted more, these wouldn't be so long. I'll think about it.

Johnny 5 is ALIVE!

Remember the papaya incident? Cutting open fruit has nothing on last night. not. one. thing.

Last summer, at Whole Foods, I bought, successfully made, and enjoyed soft shell crab for the first time.  I later ordered it at a restaurant and enjoyed it.  In the winter, I found a pack of frozen soft shell crab at H-Mart.  All wonderful, although of course the frozen variety left something to be desired. 

Yesterday I remembered that a local grocery store (think something between the big box stores of food and Whole Foods/Trader Joes. Its not exactly a specialty store, but they seem to have harder-to-find items) had soft shell crab in their weekly flyer.  I stopped by after work, bought two and put them in the fridge before my gym class.  I asked the seafood counter guy if they were pre-cleaned, he said no, flipped one over and showed me where needed to be cleaned before eating.

After the gym, I was psyched to go home and cook them.  Every single time I've bought soft shell crab in the past, they were wrapped individually in a little bit of plastic (this means they are pre-cleaned).  I got the pan all ready, opened the package from the store with the crab, got the scissors all ready and said "ok lets do this".  I flip the crab over like seafood man told me to do and attempted to cut the "apron". The crab then FLIPPED OUT.  This thing was ALIVE.  I now had two LIVE crab in my kitchen. WTF?

Boyfriend had a dinner meeting out (and doesn't even really like soft shell crab).  I decided that it was going on 3 hours since he was there, it was time for him to come home and save my dinner, otherwise we had 2 new pets.  I called, explained the immediate situation and he laughed, saying he's on his way.

He went through nearly the same motions I did with the crab before saying "are you sure these are supposed to be alive? I don't know how to make this safe to eat".  Fearing no dinner and actually having to figure out what to do with 2 live crabs, I googled this "How to clean soft shell crabs".  Thank you to the writer of that blog for the reassurance that live is good.  Thank you to boyfriend for actually being able to make them not alive.

I write this the following morning following the soft shell crab debacle.  They were DELICIOUS, I survived, and am sure I will be spending the extra dollar per crab at another store to know they are "pre-cleaned".

MMMM Tainted Seafood.

Vittoria sent me an e-mail telling me to watch the Daily Show. Apparently they were talking about how ridiculous it is to COVER an oil spill with a metal box.


I sent her an e-mail 2 days before that saying the exact same thing.

Dear John Stewart, I'm looking for a new job.

Also, in what way do these people really think this is going to work!? "OK, lets just cover it." "with...?" "A big, metal, BOX!" "yeah!"

Because you know, no one in history has ever moved, demolished or lifted a structure that a past generation left behind. In 200 years when people (yes I'm giving a lot of faith here thinking we will last another 200 years) are scanning the oceans and wonder why there is a GIANT box there, they WILL move it. Why? Because its human nature. What will they find? A colossal mess. Just as the ocean is finally almost done fixing itself from the first one.